In Atlanta

I'm in Atlanta now, and liking it. Going domestic for a short while is invigorating. Well, hopefully, for a short while only. Am cooking, cleaning and feeding a man :P So, over and out for now.

MY sister-brother-friend-family hood!

Someone once rightly said that bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. If this is true, then, yes, I am brave :)

Being loud and being a bully are my traits ever since I was born in a family full of spirited, loud-mouthed, people like me. It is second nature.

I want to say thank you and love you to the person who calls me CK and other unpostable, bloggable names

I want to hug the person who knows and loves me as 'Alacrity Jane.' You are the reason I'm Alacrity Jane. You are the first person to laugh at me the other day which made me feel good about what happened.

I want to hold and bare my soul out yet again, to my soul sister who living across seas that am bound to soon, knows more about me and is 100 times braver and practical than me any day and told 'our common love' about me :)

I want to listen to the silence of that 'our common love' who was too shocked to make any more jokes about me and just listened in silence and I raved and ranted and for once, did not tell me I was brave

I want to be there forever, listening to,*huuuuuuuuug* ing the person who is my online chat friend. Almost. We rediscovered each other again, and again often with vagueness over life, assignments and my joblessness

I want to be there forever for my Rocks of Gibralter, err...Hyderabad :), who have stood by me, ALWAYS, for good or bad and been there through my raves, rants, glories, moments of cowardice and courage

I want to tell the person who spewed venom and gave gaali after gaali to the perpetrators, thank you and love you loads

I want to say, I wish, forever to my gang of 5 ( excluding me!) who taught me and still teach me to stick by my principles

I want to hug that special person who decided to send an email about me to the whole team/office. Never felt more better than what I felt after reading numerous emails from office colleagues thanks to you.

I want to hug forever, that special Amritsar duo and the Pink woman :) for their hurried calls, and wishes

I want to say thank you to that person who spent 2 hours with me when I was bored and gave me chocolate :)

I want to say yaaay! to the sisterhood of the shopping/cooking/err.. .everything Nagas, and well, brotherhood too ;) for keeping the fun spirit in me alive. Whatever happens, shopping and life will continue :P

I want to hold forever, and not let go that special person who came running the moment the news spread. We were best friends, and funnily, still are. We know more about each other than ourselves, even though we have not met/seen/spoken for close to 5 years now

I want to grin and prance around with 3 people who did theatre and journalism with me and finally came back after 5 long years to talk to me

I want to thank everyone who sent SMS's/called me and cheered me through the 4 drab days in the hospital.

I want to be there forever for my parents, like this, brave, if they are proud of me this way!

In moments of trauma, in moments of weakness, I thought of each one of you and figured I needed to scream louder, kick harder, and run faster!

I want to be braver than this for all of you, and for a lot more...

Sometimes...

Sometimes, it is amazing how you start doing some things because someone else you love does it regularly. This could be things you do not really believe in, or think it necessary. But I wonder why we do it. Because it hurts like hell when that person stops doing that one thing, because they do not want to, anymore because things are not normal.

Why do we do this? Because...

*S N* A* P*

I was serving dinner to my granny in her room. She is immobile, and highly sentimental about me. So, that required me to stand with her, and feed her and watch what she was watching on TV. She watches Kannada programs, because that is the only language she really understands, and has been brought up on. This time around too, she was watching Udaya Movies, a popular Kannada 24H movie channel. There was yet another song from some old Kannada movie playing. I recognized the actors - Rajkumar and Manjula. It was some sort of a dance contest between the two. The usual. The hero and the heroine are equally capable, and they start fighting and all that. So, this scene was of a classic dance contest where Rajkumar was dressed in blue bell-bottoms and a blue full-sleeved shirt, and Manjula in some sort of knee-length skirt, and a striped tank top kind of a thing and black socks with black shoes ( like the ones we wore to school). No, my intention is not to comment on their sense of fashion. I do not care, at this point.

This is the scene now. The contest is ending, and Manjula seems to be winning, so Rajkumar in a final bid to win the contest, removes his shirt and throws it in triumph, and Manjula tries the same in all enthusiasm. Just when she raises her top above her tummy/midriff, she realizes she is a woman and cannot strip and looks on ashamedly and the usual heroinesque mock anger with the right amount of pouting and rolling of eyes. Rajkumar sniggers and raises his hands in victory, while she clutches her arms in embarassment, and the crowd cheers wildly for him. He turns back and gives her a lazy, triumphant, 'I'd like to see that off' grin.

Something just snapped.

hmm....

Something is wrong somewhere, and I want to set it right, right here, right now. Care to tell me?

Madras musings...

I am not a Tamilian who takes kindly to being labelled a Madrasi or being called a Chennaiite, thanks to assumptions that Tams = Chennaiites/Madrasis. In this post, I'm going to refer to Chennai as Madras because I hate the whole name change business. ( Yes, especially after Bangalore became Bengalooru, it is personal :|) This trip to Madras was after a long time with family (whole family, Appa, Amma, and sisters included, and everyone was happy and in good spirits throughout, inspite of the heat. No prizes for guessing why, btw) Every time, a Madras trip is a quick 6 hours by train with those numerous names like Lalbagh, and Brindavan and all that, and a quick smile and a nod at a wedding, answer some embarassing questions, get back to Bangalore by the night train, so we can resume life in peace all over again. This time, I did not think it was going to be any different. But, it was. It brought back what Madras means for a lot of Madras aficionados, a lot of childhood memories, a lot of cousin/family bonding, a lot of shopping (Okay, this has been a constant over the years on short, and even on shorter trips!), grudging respect for an average Madras citizen, what with the pressures of just watching the crowd, leave alone being a part of it on the busy T.Nagar road with the innumerable sari and jewellery shops which are ALWAYS full.

This time in Madras was longer, more relaxed, there was sari shopping like always, there was a wedding like always, but this time around, it was more fun. Guess why. I am getting married next month, and thankfully, so there were no embarassing or rather, irritating and frustrating questions about how a 'young' and 'pretty' and 'well-endowed' girl like me could not get hitched. (Note the use of modal, 'could.') Again, let me get back to being positive :) Good things in Madras included-

- the beginning itself. We had loads of bags, and we all had mehendi on our hands. We did not lift a single bag, and the train was full of Tamilians :) Good looking boys, pretty girls, maamis with the latest silk cottons from Pothy's, Patis with those madisaar (9 yards) saris, those incorrigible jute bags from Nalli's, the glint of the diamond ring on the nose and the ears, those gold bangles, the long noses of some maamis, the neatly combed hair, the sari or the typically Madras salwars, the mamas, the thair saadam in their hands, the farewells in Tamil, the language :). I felt good being a South Indian. Really.

- the huuuuuuuge Central Station, the nice looking boys who came to pick up their assorted relatives - young cousins, girl friends, mothers, mamis, patis, the coolies with their abominable prices, seeing my uncle come to pick us up, carrying ALL the luggage ourselves, meeting my aunt :)

- trip to Grand Sweets, and staring at how the efficient woman there, sari tucked away neatly took our orders for murukku and laddoo for my wedding, and calmly told my parents to wait for 4 hours at the spacious courtyard at Grand Sweets, for confirmation of the order. Oh, did I forget to mention that the wait time to take the order was over an hour?

- the wedding. This time, I observed all the rituals and smiled at some, and frowned at a lot more! Asked questions, got stared at. Oh, did I forget to mention that I was in a sari for the whole of the wedding, and found it tough to balance fashion with comfort? But, yes, people said I looked good :P so, there, I rest my case. Meeting Vishal and actually talking to him!, making fun of Mr. Karunanidhi aka the Contract Guy at the wedding. Food on the last day of the wedding - Vette Kuzhambu, Sephankazhangu curry, all soul food :)

- Then, the shopping. Buying the traditional sari, I sat while my family shopped and waited with bated breath for a nod or a shake of my head. A nod was greeted with relief and happiness, while a shake with frenzy of 1) Oh, we have to look again and find something she likes and 2) Yaaaay!, we can look at more saris :)

- Then, the beach. I LOVE beaches. I can spend hours on a beach. My ideal vacation would be on a shack on a beach. No, I am yet to do that! This time, I ate everything from raw mango with salt and chilli powder to sundal from young boys (who mentioned that they did not make X amount of money on that day, they'd be beaten up, so we ate sundal more than once!), the sozham, the verkadale bhel, the molaga bajji, the language - naa inge keeren :P. Oh, it felt awesome to be in Madras.

- The 'suddenly' proposed plan to visit the jewellery shops again at 8 PM in the night. Driving to the busiest (probably more busy and crowded than the infamous Dalal Street!) part of the town - T.Nagar, where all the wealth resides. I saw the crowd- rich, poor, middle class, upper class. Nothing mattered. All that mattered was Pothy's, Nalli's, RmKV, Prince Jewellery....I can go on. All that mattered were the colors, the silk, the jewellery, the crowd in EVERY shop. At one point, at Pothy's, at around 9.30 PM (Yes, my mom incorrigibly was picking up daily use(!) saris for me (LOL) because all jewellery shops had closed by the time we reached) we saw that Pothy's and other aforementioned shops were closing, so we saw this sea of humanity all in similar clothes walking out. I wondered if my eyes were playing tricks. Suddenly, I realized that all the employees of these shops were leaving for the day. It seemed like an uprising :) So many, so many people, all in different colors, but looking uniform thanks to their affiliation to different shops. It was just amazing to stand there and watch it all.

- Oh, did I forget to mention that the billboards are a distraction. Sigh, I cannot get that pink Jacquard sari off my mind. Knowing me, that is SHOCKING :), but, well, that is the Madras magic!

Now, its back to Bangalore and then to Hyderabad. I'm going to refrain writing about my Hyderabad trip. Been there, done that, and still feel the same. I am tired of crying, tired of trying to accept the change. So, right now, I have a Madras hangover, and am loving it.

Some things that I hate...

1. People shaking their legs constantly.

2. Too many questions asked about the same thing

3. The whole North Indian- South Indian divide, and the idea that North India = India in terms of clothes, culture, food, etc

4. Maths

5. Logic

6. Lack of emotion

7. That some people do not like pets, specifically dogs

8. Cats

9. Indifference

10. Being finicky about appearance

11. The cold weather with no one next to you to hug

12. The need to be 'poised and dignified' for the sake of 'others.'

13. People telling me I'm fat

14. Lack of a sense of humour

15. Tofu

16. Mushrooms

17. Desis in the US harping about Indian culture

18. Hypocrisy

19. People clamming up

20. Being alone/lonely

21. Light. ( I looooooooove darkness)

22. Elaborate ceremonies

21. The argument that Rajnikant is as big a superstar in Tamil Cinema as Ravi Kishen in Bhojpuri Cinema ( Now, really, do you read newspapers?)

22. Circuitous way of explaining things

23. Sexual jokes/innuendoes

24. People who do not put on weight even when they eat lots

25. My eyebrows

26. Tradition which forces you to do some things you do not necessarily believe in.

27. That I cannot live without the Internet or the phone

28. People who get away with credit without doing any work

29. Superior attitude because of the position or role you are in.

30. Calling someone else incompetent 'simply.'

31. The 'Subodh' character in Dil Chahta Hai

32. People misunderstanding alcoholics or drug addicts ( I learned not to, late, but did)

33. People telling me I'm messy or that I cannot cook, when its a case of not wanting to do it, and not a capability issue

34. Taunts

35. Fantasies...