What path have you taken?

I know I haven't responded to comments in the previous post. And I know a lot of you had several intelligent things to say. At the risk of sounding snobbish and even rude, I'd say, we live in our own worlds and so, its easy for us to say - its the girls' prerogative or that the whole idea is bullshit. Its not. Its happening around you, whether you do it or not, it affects you, and you can help mitigate it by small steps only. That said, this is a different post. Sorry. I just wanted to take that out of my system.

I logged onto Twitter after ages and found a tweet from a friend. She found it creepy when she went to this website: http://whathappenedinmybirthyear.com/ and typed her year of birth. I did the same, just for fun. I thought so, at least. It wasn't.

This is what I got.

In 1983, the world was a different place.

There was no Google yet. Or Yahoo. Or Twitter, for that matter.

In 1983, the year of your birth, the top selling movie was Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi. People buying the popcorn in the cinema lobby had glazing eyes when looking at the poster. Remember, that was before there were DVDs. People were indeed watching movies in the cinema, and not downloading them online. Imagine the packed seats, the laughter, the excitement, the novelty. And mostly all of that without 3D computer effects......

.....In the year 1983, the time when you arrived on this planet, books were still popularly read on paper, not on digital devices. Trees were felled to get the word out.

In 1983... ..

...That was the world you were born into. Since then, you and others have changed it.

The Nobel prize for Literature that year went to William Golding. The Nobel Peace prize went to Lech Walesa. The Nobel prize for physics went to Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar from the United States for his theoretical studies of the physical processes of importance to the structure and evolution of the stars. The sensation this created was big. But it didn't stop the planets from spinning, on and on, year by year. Years in which you would grow bigger, older, smarter, and, if you were lucky, sometimes wiser. Years in which you also lost some things. Possessions got misplaced. Memories faded. Friends parted ways. The best friends, you tried to hold on. This is what counts in life, isn't it?

The 1980s were indeed a special decade....

.....There's a kid outside, shouting, playing. It doesn't care about time. It doesn't know about time. It shouts and it plays and thinks time is forever. You were once that kid....

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... it's 1983....

Progress, year after year. Do you wonder where the world is heading towards? The technology available today would have blown your mind in 1983. Do you know what was invented in the year you were born? The Personal Digital Assistant. The First TCP/IP Network. Color LCD Television..

In 1983, a new character entered the world of comic books: Wild Child. Bang! Boom! But that's just fiction, right? In the real world, in 1983, Kim Smith was born. And Kim Clijsters.Samantha Mumba, too. And you, of course. Everyone an individual. Everyone special. Everyone taking a different path through life.

It's 2010.

The world is a different place.

What path have you taken?

I know. I know. Just another thing to read and laugh or reminisce and leave it. I couldn't.

I had a conversation with some people who I've become very close to, now. Thanks the the Internet that wasn't there when I was born. I feel a deep sense of empathy with these people. I wondered, along with a friend why we got along so well. Some of us haven't even met. We talk everyday. Random stuff. Girls, boys, food, India, blogs, gossip, our relationships or the lack of it ;), our troubles. We figured it was because we are all in the same boat. Trying to take the same path. Like everyone else. Get a job, earn some money, do well. Be happy.

What makes us happy though? I realized this, only recently. While talking to another group of friends. The three of us did theater back in college and what days they were. We still feel the same way. But each of us is embroiled in our lives. We feel a sense of achievement and responsibility because we have jobs to do, people depending on us. At least this is what the most mature one among the three of us, S said and thought. V countered. The meekest of us all. The youngest of us all. The quietest of us all. She said: what if you don't do a thing? Do you feel sick at the end of the day? I tried to duck. I looked down. For all my bravado, that's true of me. That's become true of me over the last 2-3 years. I knew nothing but work before. I knew nothing but being busy. Its not about the money, its not about the fun at work. Its about a deep sense of satisfaction and a high level of conscientiousness that made the three of us friends.

I don't have that anymore, I thought. Then everything V said, and everything I was trying to tell S, hit me back. Like a rude slap. Like your head dunked into a bucket full of cold water. Its okay. I'm ready to sit around, potter around the house with books, a couple of movies, food, cooking and I don't know what else I will take up. Not like I don't want to do a job. But its slowly creeping in - the idea that I'm not defined by my financial independence or my need to be. Yes, I know I will see comments here that say, its all in the mind, and that it doesn't matter at all. But then, all of us run behind the same things. Yes, including you. You only. I don't blame you. My mom thinks she hasn't done much in her life. I don't know if I should be offended :) Or, if I should understand where that's coming from. For now. I'm going to contemplate, talk, read and soothe the neglected soul. And take AB along with me on this journey.

Take a deep breath. Give me some credit ;) for figuring this out after two years of innumerable chats with 6 wonderful people, a deep sense of connection with 3 other people without even keeping in touch, regularly.

This is to those people who are in the same boat with me, hanging on, without even meeting each other, but trusting each other not to stab the other :D. Here's to all the sepankizhangu/beans curry lunches, and never-ending coffees (:P) and boiled eggs. Keep the faith. This too shall pass.

W.H. Davies wrote this long back, I assume. I read this long back. When I was in school. And when I loved to read and recite poems. My mom taught me the right intonation. I always won the first prize. Little did I know that I'd keep that as an indicator of me. Little did I know that my mom taught me these poems for a reason. Like this one, which I found while cleaning my desk.

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?—

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

P.S. - A lot of the what happened in 1983 has been edited by me.

Wedding blues.

She sat there fully decked in jewels and the grandest sari I'd ever seen. She looked like a temple goddess. Not just in terms of beauty or the weird bridal glow that every brides acquire just in time, but mostly because of the jewels on her body. There were those trademark white stoned necklaces, long chains with huge pendants, red stone jewellery, some diamonds thrown in, lots of glittering gold, something on her slender arms, a piece of belt-like jewellery(vodyaana) on the waist, rings connecting to the umpteen number of bangles glistening on her hands. The sari was grander than anything I'd seen. She is all of 22. Giggling along with her friends, still not eating her vegetables, my neighbour's daughter who was getting married looked very much like a kid that she is.

I've known them since we moved to this house. We live in a residential locality and the community is very close-knit. This particular neighbour moved in the same day as us. It was a sheer coincidence that both our and their homes were owned by siblings who sold it to each of us respectively. His kids were younger than me. We got along well. Uncle even become really friendly with Appa, through business connections. Trust was gained. They were friends for life.

Uncle was really happy that my India visit coincided with his only daughter's wedding. We were invited for the almost 5 day affair. While I personally stay away from weddings, this one was different. This was a girl I'd seen grow. And that's very rare :) considering how old/young I am! And my parents were expected to make an appearance everyday. I managed to skip most functions apart from the good food that is served. I went religiously between my online and offline trysts to eat good food and comment on how I don't miss 'American' food and how I cook Indian food. Memories about my marriage surfaced. I was one of the first girls in the neighbourhood to get married. All in good fun.

I did wonder about whether this girl wanted to do anything else apart from getting married. When I spoke to my mom, she spoke of how in their community, it was common. It was common for the girl to get married this early, for the girl to not be financially independent, to marry a fellow business partner's son, to marry men who handle their dad's businesses and are not necessarily highly educated. And how the garish display of wealth was the norm. Who was I to comment on how much wealth they had, anyway? My wedding was fairly well-done (too well-done in my opinion, but emotional blackmail always works for parents no?)

I was to go to the Muhurtham. According to my mom, it was going to be sight for sore eyes. She laughed and spoke of how one could figure out new fashion trends for blouses and saris and see all kinds of jewellery on show. I was curious. I've managed to skip weddings for precisely this reason. Such stuff is boring for me. However, I was extremely curious to see all the men dressed up. Apparently, they wore jewellery too. I just had to see this.

Mum was tying the blue sari - my first sari bought by parents for my engagement. I was okay with it. For all my 'i hate dressing up' attitude, this one promised to be fun. I wanted to wear the jhumka my mom gave me for my first visit home, the gold chain that my Pati gave me during my wedding, those new golden heels that I'd bought the day before. I wanted to wear a sari after 2 years of jeans. And I wanted to look pretty. As I stood there like a scarecrow waiting for the inevitable pin prick on my shoulder, Amma kept talking. "You complained so much about your wedding which was nothing compared to this. Now watch. You know, apart from all the jewellery and the saris (nearly 15-20 of them) and Mehendi at an expensive restaurant, they also gave the boy a site and a car. We haven't done anything of that sort."

I just stared at her. Site? Car? Really? She continued. "...they have also kept 40 lakhs in the girl's FD account." Suddenly my mom realized I was way too quiet. She said to me: " Ayyo, I shouldn't have said these things. Its all normal in their community, kanna. And its 'aasai' - who else will they do it for, if not their daughter?"

I didn't go for the wedding. Very uncharacteristically, I burst into tears. What could I do apart from skipping yet another wedding? And should I be ashamed that my parents went to the wedding? Their logic? "Uncle is a nice man. He's helped us a lot. He's always been there looking out for you kids and Pati...and its common. The guy is not going to do anything to the girl. Its all love."

So what is the definition of love today? Security deposit for your daughter?