MBA = Maha Bullshitting Associates

I'm sorry if any of you are MBAs or MBA grads. A large portion of my family (the family that I love a lot) are MBAs, all the managers I worked under back when I had a job and who I loved are all MBAs. But, but no one seems to get on my nerves more than an MBA aspirant nowadays.

I'm taking some courses which I share with the MBA students. And that is the worst thing ever. One, they are smug as a pug in class. I'm blessed with the unique talent of reading people's faces and assessing them when they speak. Yes, I judge. Handle it. So these kids are smug, arrogant to the hilt, all-knowing and if it's an Indian MBA student, add painful to the list of the rather impressive adjectives.

1. In class, the moment the Professor pauses, the MBA students *have* to talk. I sorta understand this because I like to talk in class. I can't sleep without making a point in class. One of the reasons why I can't go without reading to class because I get bored. But, but, when I talk, there is a point to be made. I don't say random bullshit. I've noticed that MBAs can bullshit their way through and in this category - no one beats an Indian MBA student who like to do the same more so because there are other Indian students who are not MBA students in class a.k.a me. *snigger* There is this girl in class who sits right opposite me who I feel like slapping in every class. Her statements always begin with an urgency. "Professor X, do you think this works that way?" *quick look at our side- the non MBA side - snigger, and snigger at me specifically* and turn back to listen to him and nod aggressively. Eff you, dear girl. I think your English is so bad that this Professor may not understand your answers and lower your grade, while I can bullshit rather well in English in exams. That is how I sit opposite you watching you make eyes at me.

2. In seminars - you know, the active types? Always doing stuff, running up and down the auditorium? In Chennai, they are called enthu-cutlets or pataanis. I was that. Though, of course, I never sucked up. I loved, loved participating and doing stuff in school and college but never behaved like I needed better grades. Because I got them anyway. Thank you.

So, we had this seminar (the most boring ever with a girl next to me eating pasta with stinky cheese- the smell was like puke. Ugh!) before which we had an equally boring Q&A session with the speaker. Yours truly was one of the few to be selected for this Q&A. Nothing to be proud of, in this case, unfortunately. This Indian girl, with this huge grey sweater and large hoops (prompting my classmate to say she looked like a whore - I don't know the cultural context, tbh) who I've been with in other seminars sat close to the speaker. Offered him water 5 times in the half hour Q&A session. Okay, make that 2 times. Smiled at him. Had the most stupid questions EVER. And really, I think every question is unique usually but this was just something else. Then, we went to the seminar in the auditorium where this girl ran around with the mike when one didn't need one. Again, rather stupid questions were asked, but well, I'm used to it now. She kept running around giving the speaker water, with the mike to all the participants. Really? Why this posturing? Because you are brown? Or, have you always been like this?

3. Same Q&A. This Guy was rather presumptuous and arrogant with his questions and interactions with the speaker and gave a 100 page resume instead of just introducing himself in the initial introduction rounds. So, after this session, there were cookies and water offered. Now, as a self respecting Indian student and a dessert lover and as a person who'd slogged the last 15 hours on assignments and readings, I went to pick up a cookie. My Canadian classmate and my American classmate walked with me. Just as we were taking a cookie, I mentioned how hungry I was to which my Canadian classmate said in jest that we shouldn't be too greedy because we were guests there ( this is not our School/Dept, thankfully). Before I responded with a wisecrack, the Guy who was behind us to pick up his cookie said: "So you've come for free food eh?" I turned and smiled politely and said, "it was a joke." He looks at me and continues in the same presumptuous tone for which I could have kicked him in the wrong place,

Guy: "Oh well, we have to be careful nowadays."

Me (least interested): *polite smile*

(Canadian classmate wants to run. I don't blame him.)

Guy: "So yesterday, we had this seminar and there was food available. We suddenly found that there were a couple of homeless people there who'd come just for the free food! *looks at me* Here we were, trying to make an impression on a possible recruiter and these badly dressed people stood there waiting for the food. I hated it man. I was so mad."

Me: "Well, we are from 'Y' School. We were invited for this session, you know" *sarcastic smile*

Guy: "Of course, I mean. Look at you, dressed up. I didn't mean you. I was just talking generally."

Yes dodo, for a person without a roof over his head, that homeless guy'd certainly want to wear a 3 piece suit to get free food and look desperate in front of a recruiter. And of course, you were talking generally when I went to pick up that cookie. May you not get the job of your dreams. May you get back to the Animal Husbandry Dept that you worked in before you got into B-School. I think pigs suit you.

To all of you reading this, of course, I took one each of ALL the different types of cookies in front of him. When he thinks I look homeless and have come for free food anyway, might as well do it.

4. Review sessions are supposed to help pass exams at hand. It is not a session for you to deliberate on your dream company's profit and loss statements or whatever jargon you use to call them. You're not reviewing how this recession happened for the exam. You're trying to get out of it. So, stop asking questions like:

"So, if this company is bankrupt, what happens to the income statement?"

Apart from the fact that there is no income, so no income statement, that is NOT IN THE SYLLABUS, dumbass! And this is Accounting 101 which I'm already failing. I don't need dickheads like you to make it worse. Okay?

5. Stop looking at me when I talk in class wondering how I can even contribute to the conversation about branding. I read the newspapers while you learn it all from this one class. So,

me : #win, you: #fail

6. Indian MBA students who are aspiring to get jobs, stop putting on this much make up for the interviews. The interviewer maybe too scared to hire you. And the make-up you use? It's for people with either white skin or really dark skin. It's not for people like you who are trying-to-be-white-skinned.

7. Also, ya, networking is good. But you don't have to prey. Leave that to the vultures.

For people who are MBA grads who disagree, please feel free to do that. I'm all for self-expression and freedom of speech, as you can very well see. Just don't expect me to agree with you just because you think you're smart.

And if you are my classmate and you read this post and think it's about you, yes, please get the message. I don't do jargon to sugarcoat this, and so, you can't take it if I tell you as it is.

Of course, you don't want that to happen face to face considering you are forever trying hard to impress your American classmates no?