Sometimes...

Sometimes when you are so down, so depressed, so upset over the trivial things in life, you get a shock, a slap on your face telling you how unimportant your so-called problems are, how unimportant it is to scream in frustration for not having a job, how unimportant you are because some people, some very talented people, some good people just lose everything they have, everyone they love.

Two of my colleagues Hari and Roshni are missing after this incident. In fact, they are assumed to be no more. One other colleague and a friend, Ashok escaped in the nick of time. I know all three of them fairly well. Its not like someone who worked in the same office as me and I did not know them, is no more, you know? Hari was a jolly man. Very talented with music and photography, he only recently married fellow photographer, fellow ornithologist, fellow wildlife enthusiast, Roshni. I know Roshni as my junior during my CIEFL days. A very talented actor, she was quite a star and very well-known in CIEFL. Roshni, we may never have interacted as much or even noticed each other as much, but you being no more feels dreadful.

Ashok is someone I admire and adore. Very quiet, very unobtrusive, super talented again, patience personified, Ashok is a fellow Bangalorean, fellow Yosemite lover. How I remember those treks along Yosemite. Thanks Ashok for all those memories. I'm glad you're still around. I'm here to give you all the strength and hope I can from this far off, to help you come out of this tragedy a better person, a stronger man.

I watched the Dark Knight last night. Yes, good movie, Heath Ledger was fantastic and all that. However, my blood boiled every time the joker won. Every single time. Yes, it could be due to the marvellous acting by the late Heath Ledger. However, I was an angry woman when I walked out of the hall. I was raving and ranting and was uber-passionate about how hard it is to fight evil. It only seems to get harder. I felt the length of the movie was symbolic of the struggle it takes to overcome evil. I came out thinking of how only good people suffer. Always. Hari, Roshni, Ashok, their families - what fault of theirs led them to this tragic incident? I'm still not willing to call it an end. It hurts. I'm shaking as I write this post though I hardly knew them well enough to cry copious tears. But something bonded us. In concrete terms, it could be Google, it could be CIEFL theatre club, the B-wing of the Ladies Hostel, however, I think what binds me to these three is the inherent goodness in each of us. Such circumstances make Harvey Dents of us. Here I am, being a Dent wishing it wasn't these three who were affected. I'm a Dent when I get jealous seeing all those people having jobs, perfect figures, all that I want. So, do I want others who I do not know being affected?

The joker was right. It is when you do not plan, that the most common of things/incidents make you lose your mind. No one certainly (hopefully) planned this fire. However, we did plan that attack on Kashmir or on Saddam Hussein or the Darfur tragedy. Didn't we all accept them? A lot of us wrote a couple of posts on our blog but the pain hasn't stayed on forever. Atleast for me, it hasn't. I personally am very sensitive to world politics and to people around me. But, it still does not make as much difference to my life as much as not having a job does.

Sometimes, you do not like some things/ some people and we make such a big issue of it. And when that person/thing is no longer available, it hurts. We wish we'd been nicer with the person, and not made a big issue of nothing. When someone you know is no more, this is how it is. I start beating myself thinking of how I should have been nicer to them. This time is no different. I'm sorry Hari and Roshni. I did not particularly take interest in what you did. I certainly wish I did, now. I did not particularly try to know you guys better. And I'm sorry about that. This is turning out to be hollow and so I shall stop.

Rest in peace, you guys. Ashok, take care. I haven't ever been in your position and hope that I will never be. However, I do know that whatever happens, this too shall pass. Keep faith.