Being brought up in a South Indian family helped me in every way possible, now that I think of it. There was 'adequate' pressure on academics, rules at home always, lack of an ostentatious lifestyle at all levels, a sense of discipline (if I may claim its stricter down South!) - some things I didn't quite appreciate as a young girl - especially the pressure on academics and the rules at home. I didn't care much about the lifestyle or the fact that my mom didn't think I needed my eyebrows done every 15 days until I graduated out of college and got a job!
Of course, things have changed. I see young kids, girls mostly dressing up more than ever before, becoming more and more conscious of how they look, how their parents look even sometimes. All these TV shows have spawned one precocious kid after the other. Kids sing and dance for movie songs. Strangely enough, my family was quite filmi - we were always playing Antakshari and my uncles sang Hindi movie lullabies when we had to be put to sleep or when we cried. But, we never, never danced and shook our hips the way the kids do nowadays. And such a statement, such an observation makes me feel quite old. And I'm not. Trust me ;)
I spend most of my time watching TV nowadays. Such is my lifestyle and I don't quite like it when I see certain shows. Like Toddlers and Tiara. I still haven't mustered the courage to see the show though. I catch the promos amidst my other fave show, 'What not to wear.' Ironic, huh? But then, 'What not to wear' teaches people to dress appropriately for their age and shows and tells women not to be obsessed with their body type but work on clothes to make their body type look most flattering. This is one of the premises of the show apart from the whole makeover thing which I must admit would increase the confidence of quite a few women. Including me, sometimes, I think. Especially in this country, where everyone looks impeccable, stylish, casual and sexy - all at the same time. It didn't help that being sexy is something, I've been socially conditioned, to be disgusted at :P
I'm constantly shocked and surprised and irritated by the amount of interest shown, the amount of importance given to looks/appearances/clothes in this country. I know things are changing in India too. However, here, even common people are involved and that hurts. When I see almost-broke women worrying more about how they are not ready for summer than worrying about healthy food or other important things. Toddlers and Tiaras takes this to a all new different level. Kids participate in beauty pageants. I hate how these kids ( as a person who is not a mom yet, I'm guessing they are around 4 years. Okay, make that 'I hope they are four!') dress up, wear make up ( eww..) and get spray tanned ( I researched on this and couldn't understand a thing!) They strut on pageant ramps apparently every weekend in all their finery. What triggered this post was a promo I saw just now. There is this kid who's tired of her mom asking her to put on make up and look her best all the time. Good, you'd think. But no, this girl is actually spoilt. She screams at her mom, rolls her eyes at her mom who is calling her and walks away. I can't believe this. I did this when I was 16. And it was because my parents thought I should do Science during my Graduation than join the Arts courses. Or was I stupid? Didn't you guys fight for things like this? Or, did you guys too ask for make up when you should've been figuring out how mud tastes?
On this show, I think its more about the parents from what I've read about it. Every parent thinks their kid is cute, every parent wants their child to win the pageant. I remember my mom always siding some other kid and teaching me a lesson to be tolerant and showing her impartial self. I wonder what happened to all that. Really. On this show, the mothers get 'bitchy' about the other kids. Yes, 'bitchy.' You read it right. They are 4 year olds, for God's sake! So what next? Do we want breast implants even before their breasts start developing? What about their teeth? Do they fall at all, like regular kids' does, or, do they have some sorta surgery to stop that?
I'd really love to know what becomes of these kids? Do they get back to 'normal' life after they win or lose a pageant? What happens to them when they lose? Do they feel as bad as I did when I flunked Math? Or, maybe it is worse. Imagine your whole life hinging on how you look, and what you wear. What happens if they can't earn in the future to keep up with their looks/appearances? Then, will they succumb to the all American pastime of eating fries and burgers and shakes to ward off depression after losing all the glamour?
To all the mothers, especially those who chronicle every step of their kids, what do you do when you kid evinces interest in something so superficial as good looks? Grooming oneself, and looking good to remain confident is one thing. And being obsessed with make up is another. It is a thin line in this case.
31 comments:
i recently saw a video on YT of a mom who wanted plastic surgery for her 3-year old girl and was having discussions with the surgeon. i dont want to comment further except "WTF is happening to all of us?!"
Ur Uncle..we all had a crush on him..did I tell you? Rajesh Khanna act was awesome :)
i didnt read the post after the uncle mention..too drunk..will post one more comment after I read the whole thing lol..and sorry!!
hmmm..i'd say you were ahead of your time, rolling your eyes at your parents at 16. i dared not till i was done with BA, and safely away in hostel in a different city :P
but you know, i'm confused when i think of myself in the context of your post. cuz i used to bug and bug my mom for lipstick when i was really small..part of the reason i used to volunteer for dance at school was the make up. at the same time, all that you said about lifestyle, and discipline n all, is also true. hmmm....
sorry...too long already for a comment i guess.. :) so i'll stop.
ps: mud tastes salty. :D
I think it's becoming a passion to look good and be prudish when it comes to dressing and make up. And as long as it remains that and not an obsession, I guess it's okay. Also as long as you are able to afford it. Definitely choosing that over your more basic needs is a bit too much!
Well written nandu! that thing abt mud was awesome!
several parents of reality show kids deserve a slap or two. then the kids can be slapped too!
great to see you back after all this time
Lol @ buddy's comment. Exactly my thoughts :)
I am not sure if you can generalize this whole beauty obsession to whole of this country and not India. I have seen girls with eyebrows threaded when in 8th class and the constant fair and lovely ad that goes on in TV. And I can bet you 100$ that if this show were to go on in India there will be mothers who would want their kids to participate. I have seen 5 yr old gyrate to racy hindi songs on TV so I won't be surprised if they enroll in the desi version of toddlers & tiara or Little ms. perfect!
It all depends on how the participants take the show. I saw one episode where the family was interested in doing it only to build self confidence of the kid. They had minimal make up and no spray tan and such nonsense, ahem..they didn't win. But they didn't go out of the hall bawling their eyes out like few other mom& kids I have seen.
And have you wondered how only girls have such contest? There is no Lil Mr. perfect?! And have yoou seen most of these girls parents? Most of them are overweight. To me it looks like 'I wanted to do it but couldn't so my daughter should do it"
Good to have you back! Watch some more of such shows, that will make you write stuff ;P
@Nags: Its amazing how they want all this recorded also!I so echo your last line.
@ Just me: When did he do the Rajesh Khanna act? :D And its okay :)
@ Nothings aplenty: Oh, I fought for everything. It was a phase, I think :) And its not too long a comment. But ya, its different when as a kid you like to dress up in basic stuff- lipstick, bangles versus participating in a pageant, and getting make up done regularly, looking painted no?
P.S. - I know :D I ate so much of it when my kid sis was born :P
@ Adi: Thanks :) Ya, I ate mud so that reference. I didn't even think for a minute how bad my teeth'd look 20 years down the line ;)
@ SJ: You're right. I'm probably a little biased. But I do think that it is less in India as compared to here. Its just the whole consumerist idea - to put it very vaguely.
Yes, shows like Boogie Woogie and some other random shows do show kids being super precocious, but spray tan? I can't get over that!! And very true about girls and Fair and Lovely which has a fairness meter now. Eww.
"It didn't help that being sexy is something, I've been socially conditioned, to be disgusted at :P"....now that's my fave line from ur post and I am conditioned that way too.
I have not seen the show or the promo as I am already shocked to my bone after trying to see some other shows that deals with adults.the obsession with appearance is too much now a days.my eyes got knocked off when I saw an ad the other day for a booty enhancer. Why in the heavens you need a bump on ur behind and then another big two plastic bumps on ur front???
Like SJ said am sure even in India if such a show comes over people will jump at the offer and push their kids in front of the camera for that 5 minute of fame after all bollywood as its fare share of child actors who were forced by their parents at a very young age to perform. I still remember a very young Padmini Kohlapuri dressed obscenely in the movie Satyam Shivam Sundaram...coz she was meant to grow up into the sexy siren Zeenat Aman?? very funny no?
Hey I rolled my eyes and stamped my foot at the age of 17 too...the reason was not as good as urs though...lolz
glad to have you back and do watch the show Parent Control and write abt it...am already thinking of hiding Samy in some remote place in case he makes us do this act here in USA :( M says am a paranoid mother thinking abt future gf's of my 5 year old boy...
OMG such a huge comment????? the comment box doesn't give an idea of how long it can get until it's published u see.....;)
wow, what a fine rant! :D
here's my 2 cents:
1. USA is so much farther in caring for looks than India. Am talking now - 2009. Serious. I have a teen and she just doesnt as much as my niece or my cousins back home do. Am glad.
2. There are dumb paegents everywhere. It's sad as much as it's amusing. Nothing wrong in playing dress-up, if you allow that to overtake how your life should be, then it's a bit sad, coz looks last only so long.
3. Munchkin is a girl. 101% girl, when it comes to physical aspect of it. She's a tomboy when she frolics around. It's cute, all at home indulge her. This is because all of us know she'd grow out of it eventually. Ultimately if the family knows their priorities (in our desi case - eductaion and like) the kid will move on. I'd imagien all of us grow out and grow into different peopel through different stages. Fancies and whims, hormones and well, age. I was a bla growing up. Am more groomed since 10 years and I've grown to pay attention to myself. Sister other way around.
4. You should stop watching all channels except food network and maybe House or CSI. That's food for thought. :P
I should have just posted, but you knwo my take on my blog these days :)
Read the whole thing this morning with coffee :) I was brought up the natural way ..i.e mother insisted to keep things natural. Not seeing much maeup except lipstick around mum, I was conditioned to belive makeup is bad for skin and why to look made up etc. Growing up and moving to delhi after CIEFL (You know nandu how no body dresses up and the attitude is the style is the new makeup in CIEFL campus!!)I was constantly under pressure in my new job about looks, dressing up. I took almost two year to push back the pressure and find my own casual yet stylish look and not give in to
the trends.
Now I have friends who tell me that they havent seen a hot picture of me in ages since i became a mom :) and then proceed to advise me on being attentive to oneself a.k.a makeup and shopping all the time after kid ! I think i should be able to push back this pressure too! Not that I dont belive in dressing up, but I cannot take out time to decide everyday what goes with what and such. I will not put this on my daughter though. She is bound to have her own personality ..I hope I am able to instill the difference between beong shallow about looks and being attractive :) Hope!! Personally I CAN see beyond makeup and I am glad I can
First of all, Yay! You are back!
And now, about the post,
I know its weird how people have started this new obsession about kids' beauty pageants et al.. on one hand, there's these amazing intellectual contests like Spelling Bees and on the other, you have beauty pageants and ramp walks for children.
Then there's this cutest baby contests on various websites where people create fake ids to get their babies aged less than a year to win. (I wonder if they put makeup on the babies while clicking pictures! )For the record, lot of these sites are run by Indians and participating kids are Indians too.
I remember that the first time I acted snobby in front of my parents, when I wanted to go play TT during my 1st term exams, I was forbidden to touch the TT bat until the exams were over and I scored well! :D
such were those days, now the obsession with looks and the way you dress is something that's catching up with the entire world.
A friend of my sis in law complained that she wants to return to India ASAP as her 5th grader daughter was laughed upon by her friends for not shaving her legs... I seriously wonder if hair even starts growing on your legs when you are that young!
Anyway, the whole world seems to be going upside down! There's hardly anything we can do..
same feeling for those baby pageants, they brush up the cheeks of toddlers n use hair gel!
neat post
@Sakshi: Which channel is it!? And booty increaser or whatever - eww, why the hell am I running on that treadmill, dammit!
@ Rads: Your post'd have been awesome! You can weave a story out of a 18 year old former kid pageant winner :)
While I do agree that India is soon catching up, I do think its the whole idea of aping the West. Otherwise, a lot of Indian parlours don't do things on kids for pure ethical reasons and their own conscience!
@ Just Me: I totally know the 'attitude.' :D And you are hot man! Seen that figure of yours? Please!
@ Max - no? All the young girls look too old for me man!
@ Rohini: Dunno how I missed your comment :) Thanks for being so welcoming! I lurk at your blog but hardly comment. Don't ask me why! TT thing - see what we fought for? And shaving thing - God save that friend's child. Really.
I have two words to describe what happens to these kids when they're 16:
Miss America...
I'm a mom, and I honestly think I havent seen a cuter, cuddlier baby than mine in any ad, movie, youtube video or blog or anywhere else. Do I show my daughter off? yes i do...I make her wear cute dresses and make hairbows to match her dresses. ..BUT.. that's about where my obsession with her looks ends. I do not need a bucket of foundation or a panel of half-witted judges to tell me my daughter is the prettiest. I know! I knew it the moment I first laid my eyes on her all covered in smily amniotic fluid.
I think these moms who send their kids for these pagents need some professional help in overcoming their feelings of insecurity and low self esteem which they hope to redeem by entering their offspring in these pagents.
I cant stand those reality shows, and Miss America pageants, even for older women, there ends my rant.
I felt girls in India when I grew up were fancy, I never did eyebrows before my wedding, and I wont say how often I do it now, cos I dont. I never waxed my face before the wedding, that was the first and last time.
So you see I am wayyyyyy behind than most. ;--)
Nandu, good to see you blogging again.
I think it has to do with supply-demand of quality content in general.
Whether TV or other forms of media, there is way too much supply nowadays.
So, once quality content is all consumed, the remainining content fills the remaining supply space.
That is why you have a surfeit of "reality TV" programs and shows like the one you mention.
Apparently there is still an audience for this stuff, so the show survives (and maybe even thrives).
While I can understand that some parents consider it disgusting to thrust their kids into "showbiz" at this young age, I can also understand the other side of the story.
Glamour is a heady intoxicant and if it can be obtained (albeit vicariously) by pushing your 4-year old kid out there, then so be it. Totally understandable IMO.
And then makeup becomes just part of the package.
In itself I therefore don't see anything wrong with this. Where it does get damaging is when it interferes with a child's development. In terms of education, values, sensibilities. Parents need to take care that all this glamour does not corrupt a kid's mind.
I would take issue more with the audience that they watch such stuff in the first place. If it is such nonsense, just boycott the programme. No demand for programme -> no supply of this nonsense.
Where there is demand, supply will always step up to match it if it can.
Btw, I read that comment about the Rajesh Khanna act. :-)
The closest I can recall to an RK-act was the wearing of a kurta that day. :-)
Now if I had hammed "ye aansoo ponchh daalo Pushpa, I hate tears", that would have been different. :-)
err!! I will remember not to post comments when a lil tipsy!! (sheepish..hides behind couch)
i htought i left a comment here! what i wanted to say ofcourse, was that youre right. :D
gud post.. not just in the country you live, but all through the world, it is the LOOKs that take the centre stage, even in a conservative place like India.. and the reality shows just make sure that the importance on looks just goes on increasing...
moreover, on watching these kinda reality shows, one gets to get irritated at the earliest, in the way the kids speak atrociously,... dress up/dance like mad.... grown ups fight like kids... and most of the cases, it brings out clearly that the show has been scripted...
god save the TV viewers world over
Nice post. Things are changing very fast.
i had caught one show like that, where it was stated that three and four year olds have body issues - with the way they look, their weight and there was one who was diagnosed with clinical depression or something like that. i was horrified - and thats what these tiara thingies end up doing. create such a fricking inferiority complex that continues through the life
I can relate to most of what u mentioned abt the south indian upbringing part...imagine i never got my eyebrows done until i was 24 i think! even though i came out of my parents' home those 'rules' still kind of stuck on to me...also with cutting ur hair short...my god! such a big deal is made of it! as for kids and beauty paegents ...what can one say? i guess these kids will grow up thinking looking good is THE thing to be and do...and what happens to those kids who participate in these contests and never win! they'll probably end up with a complex all their lives!and they have their parents to thank for this! but i think this happens a lot in india too nandu...i know someone who used to force her daughter to wash and powder her face every 30 mins so she'd look fresh and 'fair' instead of oily and ' dark'
@Anon : You may just be right :)
@SK : Good for you!
@Scatterbrain: Nanma is indeed lucky! :)
@ Raja Mama: True. Its all about supply and demand. It is one of the most criticized shows.
@ SG: Thanks!
@ Effervescence: I do know what you mean. Same here no? ;)
@ Cyn: Amen to that!
@ Shankar: I agree. Tv is getting trashier by the day
@ Chutney: You better :P lol
Watch "Little Miss Sunshine?"
I had a similar upbringing and now I am also at shock at how the TV shows are. As someone who has friends with older kids, I am seeing the 9 yr olds these days behave like teenagers.
As for the TV shows, you should see the ones in India. Even with the limited TV show knowledge I have, I can say that its disgusting.. I wish both the kids and the parents thought a little more about studies, and parents started acting more sensibly, and not smiling with pride when the kids dance for crass songs!
Hey where's the promised new post? :P
A fan is waiting...
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