Away We Go

This is where this draft ended. And I don't remember what my point really was. Like it isn't obvious to you guys :)

But the title of the post makes me think of other stuff corresponding to some other stuff I've been thinking about lately. Even before the last momentous thing that happened in my life (will update soon), during my long India trip, I ruminated a lot. What else would you do if you have nothing else to do? Think.

For all the tough times we have been going through, we've had a ton of fun. But what bogs us down, seemingly, every single instance of being upset is a sense of failure in achievement of a certain objective. Now, who sets the objectives, you may ask? We do. We set the bars for success, failure, relationship, love, about what we expect from others, what we imagine others expect from us and so many other complicated things. As I was struggling to sleep now ( Its 1.30AM) it just struck me. I thought about this movie, 'Away We Go' and thought that AB and I almost represent the protagonists in the movie. I'm being romantic in my observations again, but then why do I care? My blog, my romantic notions.

The protagonists in the movie are expecting a baby and want to give the best of the world they live in, to the baby. Once they receive a rude shock from the guy's parents about not being there when the baby will be born, they decide to move to other cities in search of like-minded friends. To figure out a healthy, wholesome, fun environment and great people around whom to bring up their kid. They move from Canada to NY to one of the South-west states and finally reach the girl's parents' house. The girl's parents are no more and she doesn't like talking about her life. But that is where she realizes what all she's missed all the years that she's tried to shut it all out. That is where they realize that what matters is not the people around them or others' ideas about the perfect world.

I reached this realization, however trivial it may sound to anyone, in India. Sitting in an AC room in Chennai, friendless and activity-less, I thought about my life. Why was I letting people measure me through what they thought was right? Why was I getting so paranoid about what was right? It hit me that truth was absolute, and no amount of thinking on my part or no person is going to change the truth about me. Or about anything in this world. Why am I rating myself or others, constantly?

Strangely enough, it relieved me of the heavy burden and I slept well that night after months of insomnia. What was even more strange was that some things began to work out. And for all the cribbing and whining and crying, I came out with something really profound that I know I haven't been able to write about here. Today, now, I'm at a stage where I'm not letting anyone, including myself or anything deter me from doing/saying/thinking what I want. Its a weird kind of freedom.

I usually don't remember movies for this long. This post brought me back at 1.45 AM when I have a raging fever to write again. I'm not sure you understand me. I'm not sure AB gets it yet. But I've got it and it feels good. And its relieving to be joking again, to be smiling openly again, to not keep thinking again. It feels good to let go. It feels good to be me again.