I'm feeling lucky?

I just saw a TV show that I don't normally watch. I don't watch TV. For some reason, I watched this show on Sony TV 'Crime Patrol.' According to the premise of the show, the show recreates real life cases/incidents. Thanks to insomnia and because I was already sprawled in the middle of the couch, I decided to watch what it was all about. I thought I could live-tweet a hilarious 'san-sani' serial.

Today's case was that of abuse within marriage. So commonplace right? Darshan just went back to jail and all is well with my #outrage ridden Twitter world.  This man marries this girl - arranged through matrimonial columns/sites. She meets him several times and then agrees to marry him. Her parents are educated, liberal and rich. They get married. Soon, he asks for a BMW in a very playful tone. She shrugs it off even with warning bells ringing in her head. Soon, his brother tries to molest her. She asks for help and she only receives a 'what's wrong with it?' answer. 6 years into marriage, she is a sex slave for his brothers, his business partners and he, himself abuses her with inhuman sexual activity every night. They are so confident that she won't talk about it that (I found it surprising) she is not locked up or forbidden to talk to anyone. So she talks to people - her family, her sister, her mother. The answer and the belief is that this happens. This happens in every marriage. These are marital conflicts. 'Bedroom ki baatein' as her sister puts it.

How many of us get abused within our homes, our bedrooms? How many of us are willing to talk about it? I remember this friend of mine who I'd forgotten until this show. She got married at 22, all starry eyed. The age isn't the matter here. She got married to someone she knew and fell head over heels in love with him. 2 years later, she wrote to me saying he was going mad or that she was afraid he was going mad and that he abuses her. She was in the US. I asked her to talk to her sisters. She said she did, and they said it will be okay. She wrote to me again. I asked her to come back home on the pretext of a vacation and never go back and take concrete steps. I invited her to stay with me until she sorted things out. She didn't respond. I forgot all about her until I moved to the US and tried living all alone, going mad in an empty house. I contacted her again. This time around, she was happy. Pregnant, perfectly in peace with her world. I didn't know what to make of it. I left it...

Now, as I sit in one corner of my couch, shaking, unable to move in sheer disgust and maybe, even fear, that girl's face flashed in my head. How many of us make such compromises? I thought back to my life. I'm married and it was a very traditional arranged marriage. How did I trust AB like that? How many of us do this and are not leading lives similar to mine?

I thought to myself how lucky I was to have AB as my husband. I go into the bedroom and he smiles and hugs me. He waits to talk to me every night. The conversation you have with your partner lying next to each other. I tweet, he talks. I read about all the problems in the world, he talks to me about his  problems at work. I listen sometimes, I nod once in a while, all the time believing I got lucky with him.

He is not a special guy. He is a normal guy. A normal human being, doing what is expected of him. Why is it then that I'm considered so lucky? Even by my own admission, a lot of the times. Because he is doing the right thing? From when is doing the right thing to be applauded? He is not going above humanity to do something special, right?

Why are we always made to feel grateful for the 'good' things that happen to us? Even if it is our right?

Tonight, I'm on the couch. AB has to wait until I forget this episode like many others to talk about his annual review. I think he can and he should. 

30 days of September

Wake me up when September ends.

This is not something I want to be saying this month. Though I started the 30 day challenge last month - it wasn't a hit. I did run a lot more than I would have. I did work out a little more regularly, but it is not IN me, as yet #ifyouknowwhatImean.

I know better now how to handle this and plan for this and I'm not going to get disappointed over my failures in August.

1. Moving to hankies - worked great for me. I haven't had a cold since ;) But seriously, I moved to a lot of non-paper things - grocery bags are only cloth now. I walk back without grocery if I don't have a cloth bag on me. I've figured out an optimum time and cycle to use the washing machine. No switch in the house is on all the time, including those for plug points. I'm thrilled, yes.

2. Running and Gymming - This worked partly and didn't work partly. I fell sick in between, I went to my mum's house without preparation and didn't find shoes to run. As an aside, I also moved out 8 years ago and it shows in the fact that no clothes of mine that fit me are in my mum's house. Sigh.

3. Sweep and mop the house - SUCCESS. I did this religiously. There is something therapeutic about domestic chores. Also, the credit for this goes to my inlaws who were visiting :P

4. Learning to say no - On this, I guess I could always do better :) But I'm getting there. This was a success though I sometimes forgot to confirm yes or no! Or, go 'available' or 'busy' on GTalk.

I loved the idea of this 30 day challenge and now I'm doing it again for Sept with the following points of focus.

1. Read Infinite Jest everyday, however slow I read. Again, I'm doing this with Supreeth
2. Running and Gymming since it's not IN me as yet ;)
3. Pedicure at home everyday
4. Eat breakfast everyday, come what may
5. Update food blog every week, at least once

This looks like a long laundry list and mostly like a 'Things to do' list. But these are some things I am struggling with.

This starts from Sep 3 since I'm still on my August challenge. Also, hopefully, I will be more active on Twitter with #my30days update this time around.

What are your challenges?

Shammi Kapoor, RIP

We had only one cassette in our old car. The cassette had only Shammi Kapoor songs. I've listened to those songs from the time I was a year old until I was 17. My dad didn't listen to anything else and we didn't want to listen to anything else. The songs were danced to in the back seat by three girls while the same stories about the Kapoor family were narrated by Amma.

I don't usually write posts on movies or books or celebrities I admire or like. This is a special one. This isn't something I'm going to talk about, or something I expect anyone to read and comment on. This is for me.

This is about Shammi Kapoor. No, I didn't have a crush on him. I wanted to experience the same joy he shows in his cinema. I grew up listening to Bollywood songs. My uncles are the biggest fans of Bollywood and they raved about unknown songs, songs unheard or the not-so-popular songs. It was a matter of pride among us cousins if we could guess the song or the movie ( we had quizzes!) These are the fondest memories I have of many a summer spent in Pati's house eating fruit custard every half hour. And among these memories, Shammi stood out. When we sung his songs, all the competition during Antakshari vanished and everyone'd sing along. We'd sing beyond the first stanza and go on until we'd finished through the list of Shammi songs we knew as kids. One of my uncles disapproves of popular songs and likes only beautiful, but not so popular songs ( we call them ATCs or All Time Classics sarcastically). But with Shammi, he sang every song, including his popular songs. But then, which Shammi Kapoor wasn't popular?

Every song, every movie filled us with joy. In fact, that's the only word that comes to my mind.- joy. Be it the popular 'Tumse Accha Kaun Hai' with Shammi in a sack or the absolutely fantastic 'Aaj Kal tere Mere Pyaar' with Mumtaz. The enthusiasm, the crazy dance steps, the grin, the mischief - no one, not a single person before or after Shammi displayed that kind of attitude. 17 years of Shammi Kapoor and I didn't realize what a fan he had in me. Today, I woke up early thanks to my in laws staying with us and didn't get online as always. AB switched on the TV and casually said, "Oh, Shammi Kapoor is no more." I didn't realize that I had tears in my eyes.

To date, when I sit in the car, I like to start off with his songs. In the interest of keeping my marriage alive, I move on to other songs. Shammi did that to me. I'm a really bad writer when it comes to tributes, even during my journalism days, and today is no better. Shammi Kapoor, in many ways., I dance like you. I tried to be as bindass as you during college. I don't know if it's because of you, but I'd like to think so. Thank you.

The 30 day challenge!

I saw Supreeth's post on Twitter and figured I needed a challenge too. You should totally read his post to see what he's taken up as challenges. I have several things to take up including some of my resolutions this year that I haven't even started working on.

I love TED Talks and a lot of them have highly influenced my life. Matt Cutts' TED talk is one of them. However, as lazy as I am, it took a post by Supreeth to get me going.  Here are my list of challenges.

1. Like Supreeth, I'd like to move to hankies too.
I actually already did. I went and bought myself a packet (they sell 4 dainty ones - so pretty!) the other day from the 4th Block Jayanagar shopping complex. In the area I live (Whitefield), I'm guessing I will get designer ones or none! However, since I bought them I've been afflicted with the most horrible cold ever. Only, I forgot how bad my colds are. I'm known to have finished an entire tissue box in my Google days thanks to my cold.

So, obviously these dainty hankies are only meant for dainty aunties and not me! I need those large white handkerchiefs used by men. I should raid Appa's cupboard for those.

2. Running
I try to run everyday and so far, it's happening with breaks in between. I want to be able to run continuously for all the 30 days just to make it a habit.

3. Gymming
I go on and off. Now, all the 30 days.

4. Sweep and mop the house 2 days a week myself.
 I don't have a maid. I think maids in this area change exorbitantly and extremely rude. While I'm usually generous, their rudeness and 'taking me for granted' ness put me off. So, no maids. I live in an area where dust accumulates at home. I aim to sweep, mop and dust the house every 2-3 days for this month. That makes it twice a week and 8 times a month. I think it's perfectly do-able.

5. Learning to say no.
 I kept the most important challenge for the end. You know how people say that while they miss India a lot while living abroad, they'd any day live away from family and all that. That's not true of AB or me. Okay, maybe AB to a certain extent since he's anti social. I'm very social and I came back to India only because I missed India, the noisiness of family around us. Basically, I wanted to meet all my nieces and nephews, all my cousins when they fly in to meet their parents from different parts of the world. And what better place than India!

However, I under-estimated my need for space in India. It's very different when you are single and living with friends. It's almost as if you have permission to have fun and do what you want and skip family gatherings or functions. Life is not the same when you're married. AB and I haven't had a weekend to ourselves. I have myself to blame for that. I have way too many friends, way too many familial obligations and way too many social niceties to adhere to.  So, as a couple, we've decided to put our foot down. We will still be active socially (I will die if I don't see anyone but AB) but prioritize us over anything or anyone else. And do more fun stuff. Like use the badminton rackets bought 2 weeks ago for a start.

People who know me or have been following me on this blog know that the last 3 years were rocky for me. For us, sometimes. I went into hiding, literally, with my GTalk. I couldn't have thanked Google enough for creating the option of being 'invisible' on GTalk. I remained invisible for 3 full years choosing who I talk to, and when I talk to them. Some of you may find it stupid. In my defence, I was upset and didn't want to answer any questions, even the innocent, truly concerned ones. A lot of you I have actually chatted with are lucky ;)

So, big decision was that from yesterday, I decided to go visible. No more hiding. If I don't want to talk to you or can't talk to you, I'm going to tell you. As it is. I'm not going to not respond unless I'm not at the computer. And that is going to be the first step in saying no.

What are your challenges for the next 30 days? Tell me in your comments.

P.S. I may just use Twitter(@nandiniv) to update everyone on my progress. The hashtag will be #my30days. 

Our Padmini, Premier Padmini!

I saw this video on Facebook and immediately started laughing and crying at the same time. My dad had a Premier Padmini for most of his life. His first car. A second hand car :) My dad has always known to drive and has been a fantastic driver. Such a good driver that as kids we used to sit at the back and yell out of the window as we passed vehicle after vehicle without any worries. We made sure Amma never drove because she wasn't as good as Appa. So much that when AB drove me first, I measured him against Appa's driving. I may disagree all I want with Appa, but I will never fault his driving or direction sense. Because he was fast and good. We've had our share of accidents and Appa's mellowed down a lot since then. But this video brought back such fantastic memories that totally make me the person I am. In many ways, love and admire Appa more than ever before. I fought with Appa last week and it hurts a lot though we don't agree on anything. My idealism is a joke to him and his ways of life are that of a cynical previous generation who don't know the power of youth, according to me. So be it. But I can't but thank my dad for the wonderful memories I have of growing up as his daughter who had umpteen rides in his car, of a daughter who saw him take random risks.

I still remember the time we fit in 11 people - all my athais, my cousins on a Golu-seeing round. Golu is a 'doll exhibition' sorta thing South Indians do during Navaratri. Women are invited home to see the dolls and eat some sundal. Of course, women do other things during this time. Like torture young girls like me to sing. Or, gossip about the person whose house they've just been to. Or, compare the size and grandeur of the dolls or the 'exhibition' per se. Every occasion to meet in a Tamil household is an occasion for gossip. This one occasion, all my cousins had come home and we went around Bangalore to see different people's dolls. That trip was unforgettable. After every stop where we stuffed ourselves with food, it'd be a pain to fit into the car :) Appa was the lone man driving us from house to house. Such fun!

The other time I remember with the car was how we used to make random trips to Tirupati in the car. Those days, you didn't need hajaar tickets and hajaar agents to make one trip. It was the time when Appa'd come home, have dinner late at night and Pati'd randomly crib about how Godless we were and how we haven't visited Tirupati. Then, Appa'd snap his fingers and we'd be on our way to Tirupati. 2 AM, 3 AM - you name it. And we'd be there really fast because Appa drove super fast. Those hair pin bends are fondly and scarily remembered now. And every single time the car would stop at a hairpin bend and we'd have to get down and push. Pushing the car was a matter of shame but at the same we wouldn't let go of our car. And why would we? Who else had a purple coloured car? :D

My sister thought the car was named after her. And the colour of the car was after black-currant ice cream- our favourite ice cream flavour that time. I don't know if Appa did it purposely or if it was a mistake or if my black-currant ice cream loving sisters demanded this, but it was a purple coloured car. When I grew up to be a teen, I cringed. I'd sit in the back seat and go down. I didn't want anyone to see me. Because every time it started, it made noise. It had to be 'primed.' And there was a carpet of yellow flowers on top of the car. We never bothered to clean it much. The car wasn't always purple. It was a boring white when Appa bought it. If I remember right, I think he bought the car after one of us was born. We decided to turn it into a funky colour sometime midway when it went for one of its umpteen repair jobs and it has never been the same since then!

Then of course, there was that St. Mark's restaurant trip that is etched in our memories. I was 15. Appa's business contacts or something related to business - somehow got us coupons to eat at St. Mark's. However rich or poor we were, we weren't #posh like that. So, off we went to eat at St. Mark's. All dressed up, looking absolutely hep. 3 girls and parents in one ugly car. The car, as old as it was, made weird noises. no AC, so windows were perpetually open. One of the windows didn't work and everything was manual. And there was the carpet of flowers on top of the car. Every time it was started, it made noise. And my dad drove with such flamboyance that we'd have to stop with a bang. I was 15 and very status conscious and hated my parents and their life. Yes. I cringed and sat low in the seat and wanted to get off at the gate (after which there is a long drive - something like the red carpet) to reach the entrance. But Appa had none of it. He was mad I wasn't proud of us. Anyway, we drove through the entrance and stopped at the entrance with a bang and I got out quickly and distanced myself this totally excited family and started up the stairs while a valet ran down to pick up the keys from Appa. I watched in horror as he tried to start the car and at all the flowers that had fallen on the clean driveway after we'd stopped the car with tremendous noise. He somehow managed to start and steer the car to the parking lot while we walked in grandly. While the experience at the hotel itself was hilarious with my parents and sisters cracking jokes at everything while I kept acting cool, I decided to walk to the gate to wait for the car than wait for the purple monstrosity to pick me up from the entrance. Tons of cute guys around, you know!

Now, as AB and I are trying to lead a 'slow' life with the jobs we aim to have, with the life we want to lead, with the children we want to raise, I wish I had that car. I wish I had a car that didn't look the 100 other ones on the street, a car that stopped and made so much noise that people turned to look at it, a car which accommodated 11 people and more, a car in which 3 kids grew up, puked and spill and do everything one doesn't do with a car, a car we pushed everywhere, a car which has seen us eat umpteen Akki Rotis at VV Puram, a car from which we listened to old Shammi hits, a car we were so ashamed of and yet so proud of. A car that allowed us to be different.

We sold the car sometime back. Maybe gave it away, even (not out of any generosity, but no one'd buy it!) We got ourselves a Wagon R and Appa struggled with it because there was no need to put any effort into driving with Wagon R. There was no aggressive pulling of the gear. There was no need to manually pull at the handle to bring up the window glass, a dire need to be careful because it was new and expensive. In many ways, I realise as I write this post, I'm like that. I moved from the US for many reasons. One of them, I think was because it was too convenient and there was no challenge. Not that I love the traffic here or the fact that I need to wash my own dishes here ;), but like Appa'd say, it's the challenge of it all that pushes me on. You may not get it. I didn't either for a long, long time.

Yes, I'm in India. At home. And I don't think I want to be anywhere else in the world.

Feminism eh?

Every single time I hear someone snigger or hear someone talk sarcastically about me being a feminist, or when I hear women say they are not feminists, I wonder why. Earlier, as a teenager, as an adult with mostly teen tendencies when it came to feminism, I was rabid. I thought men were the reason for every disaster in the world. It still holds true in my darkest moments.

Recently, someone tweeted about an airline passenger refusing to fly in an airplane piloted by a woman. I didn't react. I no longer do. These things are 'chindi,' for me nowadays. The earlier Nandini would have written letters to the Editor, written an emotional post, vented on Facebook, said 'Fuck you' to every man in her line of vision and vented it all on her husband. Now, Nandini has become like everyone else. Reads news, cribs and moves on. Until a couple of days later, a girl who still seems to have faith in me pinged me the link. I didn't respond for 2 mins. I didn't even have to read the news ( didn't read it from the tweet, either) I just knew it. A man refuses to acknowledge a woman. Simple. The reason for feminism. The girl who pinged me? She's a feminist and isn't ashamed to admit it, thankfully. I owed her a response. Unlike everyone else who in the name of feminism either burn bras or act like they are not feminists just so they are not made fun of, by the boys. As I typed out my response on chat to her, I wondered what made me this blase. What made me this apathetic to the cause I lived for, a couple of years ago? Personal situation? No. I didn't have an answer. Just sheer shame, I confess. Again, just like every Indian who treats a bomb blast casually unlike the Americans for whom lives changed after 9/11, I forgot about the article. Until I read this. I cried.

I read 'Aruna's story' by Pinki Virani when I was 19 years old. Those were the days I read India Today avidly and saw a book review on Bitter Chocolate. That book was by Pinki again, but on incest. #Samedifference no? Both issues don't exist and if they do, it's because of the girl. As a feminist out to prove a point and as a Women's Studies student, that book had to be read. I doubted everyone after reading that book, all the men - family and friends. I cried for all those kids. I wondered what I would do if it happened to me. I also saw on the back cover that Pinki Virani wrote 'Aruna's story.' I didn't find that book in the book store, so it was forgotten. Then, I finally found it for Rs 50. I bought it from a roadside bookseller. The cover was red and black. Symbolic, I thought.

Those days, I read the book I bought immediately. I started one evening and couldn't control my tears by the time I finished the first chapter. I stopped. I had classes. I had other stuff to do. I was the practical know-it-all. I came back to it when we discussed Rape in class. I wasn't in class. I was busy doing theater because education through academics wasn't important for me. Reinforced more and more when I read books. It didn't matter. Academic discussion of what rape was and whether it was because of social conditioning we accept it or whether a man's power is assumed in the power equation. Who cared? Aruna had been raped. Brutally. And the man was free.

I went back to the book to figure out if I could use it for an assignment. After missing my classes, I wanted my assignment to be really good and based on current events so I score extra points. Yes, current events. Aruna was raped in 1973 by a ward boy who couldn't take it that a woman caught him stealing and pointed out that it was wrong. I finished the book that night. I cried at every page. I couldn't believe that it was possible. Not in a democracy like my India? Not in a country where there are people like me fighting? Surely no, right? To date, I see the book and tears well up. I haven't been moved anything like the way Aruna's story has moved me. I've not had sleepless nights over anything else but thinking what Aruna must be doing. Pinki Virani, in the book talks of Aruna being alive. This was in 2001. The book was written in 1998. I hoped and assumed she'd be dead by now. She was a painful reminder in many ways of what I was, who I was. Painful in more ways than one.

After reading that book, I've constantly imagined situations where I'm in danger of being raped and prepared myself for it. I told myself I'd not let anyone do that with me, I'd fight back. I fought back when that guy ruffled my hair on a bus in the middle of the night. I fought back when the other guy pinched this woman's butt in front of me. I fight back every time someone laughs at me for being a feminist. Like Aruna. She is 64 years old today and still fighting. The Supreme Court is trying to decide euthanasia laws in India. She wants to die. Obviously. We haven't done much for her, have we?

The rapist was free after 6 years of being in jail. He was jailed long after the rape, of course. And not for rape. But, for attempted murder. Why? Oh, if you are a woman over 18, YOU have to prove that the bastard raped you. And if there is no penetration, it is not rape. So, it's okay if a guy pinches you, if he gropes you, if he treats you like an animal or if he leers at you or if he spits at you and drives away, if he rips your clothes apart, if he insults you. It's okay. You are a person with a fuckable vagina. With breasts. They are meant to be used. Get over it. This is the message our laws give us, our mothers prepare us all our lives for, our grandmothers cry for this reason when we are born and the reason we are killed when we are born.

Walmik probably got married to a pretty and innocent woman. He probably has grown up kids now. He probably led a life. He must have taken his wife out to the movies. Seen umpteen 'mujhe bachao scenes' and not felt anything. Why would he? He only tried to kill a female superior who showed attitude. In his defense, she didn't die. She still lives. Rather exists on a hospital bed. Screaming in terror every time she heard a male voice- from outside her window or on the radio. Eating through tubes. She was declared blind and was brain dead because the bastard used a dog chain to choke her and it cut off oxygen supply to her brain.

I've lost all the control I seemed to have mastered with my views on men a couple of paragraphs back. And I've lost all sense of balance that a well-written post is supposed to have. She does that to me. That Aruna has haunted me. I thought she was gone. But, no. She doesn't haunt the guy who raped her. She doesn't haunt the Indian justice system. She haunts women like me. Because I cannot do anything for her. Fuck, I cannot do anything for myself.

My whole week is ruined now. Good I'm absent minded. Good I'm a bloody Indian. Good I'm socially conditioned to adjust. Good I'm an Indian woman. I will forgive, forget and crib only the next time Aruna is in the news again. Hopefully, in the obituary pages. Then she can really haunt me and only for a short while. Because she belongs to the women we've forgotten.

Resolutions!

I love making resolutions. Until last year, I used to forget about them through the year. However, in 2010, I'm took them seriously. Probably, the biggest crisis in my life helped me think of having goals to work towards. (Yay, Happiness Project, I can think like you!) However, every other person I talk to about resolutions pooh-poohs them. "Ha! I don't keep resolutions. Who does?", "I'm not someone who believes in resolutions." "I take things as they come and do them as they come. I can't be restricted with resolutions." Of course, we are rather different, so bear with me. I love keeping resolutions. I'm rather result-oriented and too big a list-lover not to keep resolutions. And yes, I do want to do a lot of things and it helps put my desires, dreams and ambitions in perspective. So, if you're not 'into resolutions,' good for you.

Here are mine from 2010. I'm going to do a review of all that I've achieved in 2010 and will have a list for 2011 too.

2010's resolutions:

1. Eat more consciously - I did try to eat consciously. While I couldn't eat locally and seasonally owing to my grad student status, I tried eating healthily. In fact, this year has 'consciously' been a mix of both 'extremely healthy' and 'extremely unhealthy.'

2. Grow plants - Ha! No.

3. Exercise 5 days a week - Best of 'em all. I did do this for about 2 months this year and loved it. This year, I spent the beginning of the year in India and then came back, packed things to move to Syracuse, went back to India for visa issues, came back, moved to Syracuse and then started gymming and then it snowed. And life stopped. I'm hoping 2011 is going to see the complete achievement of this resolution

4. Join the local library and read at least 2 books per month- Nada!

5. Swimming - Who swims in India on a vacation? Who swims on a flight? Who swims when it is

-10C? Who swims when you have HTML and accounting to study? Who swims when there is food nearby all the time?

6. Maintain a diary/journal - No. And I don't want to, either. Blah.

7. Revamp food blog and be regular on it - Sigh. Pushed to 2011

8. Cake decorating classes - Figured this won't go with my constant resolution to lose weight.

9. Learn HTML - YES. YES. And learned it and swallowed it and got an 'A.' :D

10. Volunteer - No :|

11. Photography - No

12. Get completely healthy by the end of 2010 - Certainly tried and worked for a little while too. Got a long way to go.

13. Berkeley's creative writing program- Priorities and dreams have changed, so shelved.

14. Make a conscious effort to watch sports - No reason to do so this year :P

15. Get license done - Done and expired :P

16. Learn a new language - Does 'networking' count? No? No, then.

17. Learn Tamil - Umm, ya. No.

18. If no admit, rewrite GRE - *imagine me fist-pumping and yelling* I got all the admits :D with aid, mostly. And I'm doing rather well ( Yes, I'm immodest. Thanks for noticing), so YES!

Resolutions for 2011 :D

1. Gym everyday - I did try gymming everyday in 2010 and it worked partly and I enjoyed it a lot. I want to continue that in 2011 and be better at it. The only issue is about wearing 20 layers, going to the gym, removing 18 layers and running and putting 20 layers on again and going back home. But it shall be done.

2. Run - I love running, I realized. I love running with the wind in my hair. I ran a lot this year and I was happy when I ran. I'm going to restart running, if not outside, at least on the treadmill to keep me going until summer returns.

3. Don't eat out unless it is team event or something - This was my resolution as a grad student in order to save money and not fall in the piling on pounds category. However, I failed thanks to academic stress and ate out and ate bad food owing to finances sometimes in 2010. I aim to correct that. I was very good during the Summer semester, I'm planning to redo this, this year, at least when I'm in the US.

4. No sugar or processed foods. No white rice - Again, this was my motto in summer and it worked beautifully. I cooked food everyday and ate good, healthy food. I lost it during the end of the Fall semester. I want to get back onto the wagon. So, no sugar at home or outside.

5. Cook everyday - Goes with 3 and 4, I guess

6. Lose weight - yes, this is on everyone's list. And on mine too. And I want to be able to remove this after this year. Let's see. I'm part of a Facebook group with friends to be more accountable. So, here we go again!

7. Meditation - While this is not going to be religious per se, I want to sit down, be calm and close my eyes and not think of ANYTHING for a couple of minutes everyday. I was talking to my favorite professor and he said to me that I wasn't quiet in my head. And how true, that statement is. Plus AB noticing my forever panic-stricken face on Skype wants me to try this out. So, I'm going to try hard to not think of anything and be quiet for a couple of mins everyday. Yes, you may laugh, but I will have the last laugh at the end of 2011 :)

8. God - My relationship with God is very strange. I've never been religious. I thought my family was religious, but after meeting AB's family, I take that statement back. Considering I'm going back to India, I'm not going to escape from religion and God. At this point in time, I'm looking at God and prayer to bring some discipline back in life. It is still not about any one God or asking for favours. I want to try this out and not be brash about my relationship with God. I want to be more disciplined and think things through and I think this little exercise of praying everyday should help. What I pray for is anyone's guess.

9. Food blog- I realize I love the food blog more than I thought I did. I've come to love cooking and baking and cooking with AB more than anything else today. So, 2011 is going to see the food blog being resurrected and hopefully, it shall be all healthy and will make a difference to our lives.

10. Read at least one book every 2 weeks - This may not be possible in the next 6 months since I'm in the US and the chances of me buying a book and reading it is zilch. However, this is a long term goal for me. I was an avid reader and now that seems to have vanished. Not even blogs anymore, sadly. I want to get back to reading. Blogs, magazines, books. I want to have this library full of books. I'm going to get back with a vengeance.

11. Driving in India - The aim is to get back ASAP. I give myself 2 months time (after I return in July/August) to go driving to meet my in-laws in Chennai in the car.

12. Have a balcony garden - Not giving up on this one. I want to be able to grow some herbs, some veggies for my everyday meals.

13. Medical check-up- I turn 28 this year. I'm no fool to think I'm going to be able to hop, skip and jump every minute going forward. I promise to be more careful about my health and go for an annual medical checkup- pap smear and breast examinations included from 2011 onwards. I also want to make sure I tag my mother-in-law and mom along. We all need to and I believe in it strongly.

14. Use public transport as much as possible - AB already uses only public transport in Bangalore. I want to be able to do that as well. That said, he doesn't have a car yet, so he is using public transport. I want to see if we can use public transport in spite of having a car. Bangalore Metro, work for me!

15. Get my address changed on my passport - We know what a task this is in India. This is my first test to keep my cool and accept India for what it is and not bribe and still get the job done. I've done this in the past and I love my country way too much to give up on something like this. And hey, I love challenges like this :D In fact, am looking forward to exchanging some words with the Passport Office.

16. Make some progress towards getting back to Theater- I don't know how and when. I want to start watching and start working in Theater. Ideally, working in English Theater, but I will take what comes my way for now.

17. Janaagraha/Lok Satta - My dream job is to be a politician. I'm going to try to be more active locally. I've worked for Janaagraha in the past as a random volunteer. I want to do this more seriously this time and possibly even consider Lok Satta ( not sure about this, yet)

18. Swimming and scuba diving - My cousin is a certified scuba diver. His pictures make me want to try scuba diving. I'm hoping it will happen this year.

19. Travel at least once a month to Chennai and once in 2 months to elsewhere - I want to travel within India. A long term dream is to have a culinary journey across the country. But for now, I have 2 aims. One, visit my in-laws every month. I'm moving back to India to be with family and I want to be there for my in laws. Two, travel to other places that are not Chennai ;) at least once in 2 months - with or without AB

20. Try to attend most functions in both the houses - I know this is very 'maami' like. But the truth is I've seen my parents do this. They've tried to be there for everyone. And the warmth I've experienced being my parents' daughter is wonderful. I want to do that for my kid(s) and plus, I want to be there among my people. I also don't know AB's family that well and I aim to rectify starting this year.

21. Save at least Rs 5000 per month personally - I don't know what job I will have and don't know what salary I will get. But at this point in time, I want to save at least this amount every month as a nest egg. For future travels or for when AB decides to beat me up and then I can leave him with this money no? :D

22. Learn to wear a sari and 'madisaar.' - Sadly, I don't know how to tie a sari well. I can just about drape it around me to be decent :P Madisaar is another story. I don't know where it begins and where it ends. I want to learn to tie both these types of saris confidently.

23. Take up yoga seriously - I've done Yoga in the past and have loved it. For all my roly-polyness, I'm extremely flexible. I want to give it a try again.

24. In India, I want to eat out, but I want to limit it to eating out once in a month, initially and then maybe, once in 2 months.

25. Watch good cinema - I no longer watch cinema, let alone good cinema. I'm hoping I can catch up this year.

26. Panic and worry less - Yes. I need this more than anything else. From being a totally reckless person, I've become a control freak and I hate that.

27. Have a girls' weekend out at least once every 6 months- This is a joint resolution with my girl friends :) You know who you are. We should make this happen.

28. Do less social networking. Maximum 3 hours a day- unless my job demands it ;)

29. Have a grand Golu - I'm turning out to be such a 'maami.' But I love Golu and the idea of keeping Golu. I want AB and me to have a grand golu with the sundal-sharing. But I promise not to pressurize young girls to sing :|

30. Send home-made goodies for Diwali to a couple of friends.

31. Keep a budget and accounts for every month.

32. Drink at least 10 glasses of water a day - I hardly drink water. And this is an attempt to drink more water

That is a list! :D These things are very do-able and are hardly lofty goals. Some of these ideas are already in motion and hopefully, I will report at the end of 2011 with more success than I had in 2010.